The impact of travel on your family

The emigrant daughter … or parent – Psychologies magazine article

I remember how upset my mum was when my sister left to emigrate to Aus(tralia) in the 70s.  I was just 9 years old and I too was upset when I heard, and understood, and then when we said goodbye.

Having daughters myself now, and adults at that, I can see how painful that was for her.  But also how restricting it could be if she had insisted we stayed, or guilt tripped us.  Because I also left for a year to go out there in my 20s (too scared at 19…).

I came back to England to my mum … because I missed her, yes, because she missed me, yes (I guess!) and because I couldn’t stay with my working visa.  I should have tried harder maybe to stay …

Me and mum  tweaked

But then, my girls often point out to me that they wouldn’t be here then – so feel I am rejecting them which I am most certainly not!   Now they are here, with the man who is their father, too, I am happy to have them.   My marriage ‘didn’t work’ and I do regret that.  But not as far as not having the girls.  For me, that is not an issue as they ARE here, I DID marry him and it just didn’t work out as I hoped or planned.  Probably for him either.

My mum got to travel, child-less too which was novel for her as I was an unplanned mistake with 10 years between me and her previous youngest.    Just when life was back on track for her, up I popped and took her time away again and her energy, focus and dreams even.  So life can happen, unexpected opportunities from even difficult situations – and life goes on …

Caterpillar to butterfly

But most people choose that with children, and even the ‘mistakes’ we might be are cherished rather than resented.   On occasion, resentment takes it’s toll on the child as I see often in my counselling and coaching sessions.

I did want to go live in Aus when we were married, with the child(ren) but it didn’t happen.  He didn’t try hard enough to fulfil my dream – one I had shared with him pre-marriage and he’d agreed until it came to reality.

But now, here I am, leaving my girls for a year out travelling around the world.   Only a matter of months away – weeks in reality.   I am not guilty but perhaps feel I ought to feel more so.   But mother-guilt is something I have had as a mother and learned to accept, to manage and even dispel, a now perhaps!

I am excited to travel but can’t always share that excitement with the girls, at least one of them.   I am changing her life as I change mine.  I am leaving her to fend alone in some areas although I am only a flight away at most.

Opportunity magnifying glass

I am pushing her dreams too quickly maybe, but in the outcome it may be just enough!

I don’t know now, and I won’t know for a while.  Both if it is the right decision for my life or for hers.   But I do know – I have to do it, and now is the right time!  I can feel it in my bones as they say!

The eclipse is about change and I really committed to this course of action on that day!  I am a believer in the universal energies, spirituality etc and this is ‘meant to be’ and now!

So if it is for me, then it follows it is right for her – for them – too!

So less guilt, not enough sharing my excitement but more encouragement than I initially had, or expected.

This will be life-changing for me.  Not just experience but growth – creativity, new perspectives, personal belief, resilience and time to think, ideas to see, people to meet and things to do!

Once upon a time in the world, the UK and other places families were separated by the need to go forth and find work which wasn’t locally available.  For some, that went farther than the next town or city – it was a different country, a different continent!

And this happens today too, with intrepid emigrants, immigrants and career enhancing travel for work and jobs.  This is what is happening for me perhaps.   My business (career) is in need of development, and as my business is me, this is part of it.  This is part of the bigger picture I can feel and even now see in my future.    Will it happen?  It has to!  It will do!

Things will be so different when I come back after my travels,  whenever that is and to wherever.   Let’s open the door and let fresh energy in, and see how things turn out!  Risky?  Yes but a calculated, planned risk with planned and expected outcomes too!

me and girls at MM

And not just for me …but change is good, it helps refresh and re-frame.   It feels uncomfortable but is ultimately necessary and unavoidable in life and living so embrace it, accept it and even chase it!

Shared also on my professional business blog at www.clearmindco.co.uk

 

 

 

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