Yes, the other post was not meant to be what it ended up being!
So here is the intended one, for my daughters and others who may be rushing headlong into life and through it without thought or breath!
“Youth is wasted on the young”. If you’ve ever heard this, and you are older you understand and agree with it! “If I only knew then what I know now” is another one I can relate to. It doesn’t smack of regrets as I once thought, but of experience, of awareness and knowledge, understanding and acceptance.
We definitely do have to go through things to get to where we go – “We’re going on a bear hunt …” (for anyone with children who are now young adults and memories of that popular book). It was a fun song, a fun book with words, tune and actions too! But the story has stayed with me and is often used with my clients. You can’t avoid things, side step difficult or unpleasant situations – you just have to grit your teeth and go through it, survive it and learn from it. Sadly, I know, but that’s life and living!
Still, along the way we meet people (“for a reason, for a season or for a lifetime..”), and from them, what they teach us, how they relate to us and how we handle the situations when we engage with each other (or not), then this is part of the process of life and living.
Relationships. The hardest part of living I guess. Relating to others, engaging with them or managing them, avoiding them and surviving them too.
So what would I want my girls to know from me and my experiences, that could benefit them (and anyone else reading this) in their living of their lives (not mine, in case you think I’m directing them or expecting them to follow my lead. Most definitely not!)
From me and my experiences can mean other people I’ve learned from too, not just my personal, individual perspective of my experiences of life, but my learning and research, my own development and surprises in that, and how I would manage things differently or the same should I meet those situations or events again!
1. Relationships (in particular managing them with Partners in love) – (maybe, maybe not, she said cynically!). However, the focus of most young people is belonging in a couple, someone special, our soulmate hopefully and someone we learn to trust with our deepest, real self. And hence the pain and hurt that comes, even in good relationships!
I would want them to learn to give and take, to accept people as they are and not try to change them – but help them to develop into who they can be/are meant to be*. But sometimes, that developing into their ‘authentic self’ might mean you don’t fit that lifestyle with them – and therein lies the painful realisations when they come in relationships.
(That is a soulmate* – from Pinterest yesterday too).
2. I would want them to learn to love learning – reading, listening, talking, discussing, questioning, researching, trying and failing, trying again. Theory to practice, tweaking and asking, working through until you find the right fit for you – information, knowledge, experience, sharing, giving, taking. “Knowledge is power” for sure; the more you know the more you can use what you know to benefit yourself and others, mutual benefits, sharing, giving, taking (but not at another’s expense …)
3. I want them to be happy. But what is happiness? It isn’t pleasure v pain (another article relating to this from this week) and it isn’t having everything you (think you) want. It isn’t even have everything you (think you) need – but this definitely helps ease the journey!
It’s about being human – stimulated to meet our needs, fulfillment from trying and succeeding, acknowledgement from others of our achievements (relating), gratification of needs and desires through honest, genuine effort and mutual benefits, having social
4. I would, if I could do it again, not give them as much as I did (except the love, care, acceptance and encouragement). But practically and physically I would not give them anything they wanted, or thought they wanted. I would be richer then, and so would they. More appreciative of achievements and gains, more driven to find their desires, and more in tune with living and growing than impatient expectations of now (although I know this appears to be a ‘modern’ development in our younger generations, that we have created from our generation!). And less impatient, demanding, let down when life doesn’t meet the dreams!objectives as well as personal, and about belonging – to a culture, a generation, a family, friendship group, social group and wider community. Exploring who they can be – potential – and eventually, who they are meant to be (self-actualising)
5. I would like them to find ‘the one’ for them, someone who loves them, cares for them, relishes time with them and would die for them. Someone who they mutually benefit from, come alive with each other, and be accepted, understood and cherished by each other. Soulmates if you will, the right person at the right time, with the right learning in place too perhaps!
6. I would like them to learn to discuss and disagree harmoniously rather than argue. I know this one all too well!
7. I would love them to like themselves, always. Forever growing, developing, learning and being. Mindfulness – in the moment, in the place, seeing the trees AND the wood! Following their path chosen, informed by choice and relevance, effective decision making to meet their needs and desires of what they want and need in life. To be self-aware, create themselves and keep changing and growing, to know who they are and who they might want to be someday. It will change, I have no doubt; it won’t be that easy, I know too, but it will be worthwhile, stimulating, exciting and fulfilling ultimately – to find your prize, to find yourself and be able to create the life and relationships you want and benefit from.
8. To have perspective I think I mean with the choices, the learning and the achievements above. To sit back now and then, look at the bigger picture and tack their sails to meet prevailing winds, whilst staying on track to be their authentic selves and to live the life they want to live (even if that doesn’t end up being true – that’s just part and parcel and life – and living!)